but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I deserve this hangover.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
