Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
