i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
