Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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