I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
