...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize