i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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