maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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