you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
