Moan for me like Helen Keller
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
