So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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