I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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