and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
