you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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