TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
