And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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