Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
