as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize