We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
