He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
