Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
