Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
