i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
