so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
