I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
