They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
