Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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