Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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