I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize