what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
