Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found your dick twin last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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