I'm so fucking centered right now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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