I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
