areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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