I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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