Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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