went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
