he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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