i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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