Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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