Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
