I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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