I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
