just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
