Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
