things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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