Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
