I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
