All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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