can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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