I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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