oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.