My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.