11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
