maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join