Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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