is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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