Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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