If i come over, it means nothing
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't notice because vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
