I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my poor anus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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