Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was like eating out sand paper
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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