AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
