I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
