The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
