and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
