I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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