My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
