my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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